Humor
“If Jesus had preached the same message that ministers preach today, He would never have been crucified.” Leonard Ravenhill
“I have wondered at times what the Ten Commandments would have looked like if Moses had run them through the US congress.” Ronald Reagan
An old dollar bill and an even older $20 arrive at a Federal Reserve Bank to be retired. “I’ve had a pretty good life,” the $20 says. “I’ve been to Vegas, the finest restaurants in New York, and even on a Caribbean cruise.” “You did have an exciting life!” the dollar says. “Where have you been?” the $20 asks. “Oh, I’ve been to the Methodist church, the Baptist church, spent some time with the Lutherans…” “Wait,” the $20 interrupts. “What’s a church?”
“I will never be an old man. To me, old age is always 15 years older than I am.” Francis Bacon
“God likes a little humor, as is evidence by the fact that he made the monkeys, the parrot — and some of you people.” Billy Sunday
Father O’Malley answers the phone. “Hello, is this Father O’Malley?” “It is” “This is the IRS. Can you help us?” “I can” “Do you know a Ted Houlihan?” “I do” “Is he a member of your congregation?” “He is” “Did he donate $10,000 to the church?” “He will”.
“The day we find the perfect church, it becomes imperfect the moment we join it.” Charles H. Spurgeon
“A little lie is like a little pregnancy – it doesn’t take long before everyone knows.” CS Lewis
Dear God, so far today, I’ve done all right. I haven’t gossiped, and I haven’t lost my temper. I haven’t been grumpy, nasty or selfish, and I’m really glad of that! But in a few minutes, God, I’m going to get out of bed, and from then on, I’m probably going to need a lot of help. Thank you! Amen.
“Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.” Billy Sunday